daniel troy carmichael

musings and ponderings


Flag of Great Britain Flag of Ireland

Flags of Great Britain and Ireland...a tribute to Pat.


As I mentioned in my first blog (here), the purpose of my blog is primarily a vehicle for myself, my thoughts, and memories--kind of a memory bank. Anyway, one thing I have been keeping up with for MANY years is the archival page for the "Patisms" website. Like most things, you "had to be there" to understand the humor.

As I am moving things off one of my old websites, I could not bear to lose this wonderful memory of one of my good friends "way back when". The basic story line is that, when people who worked with Pat would hear him spout off with another, unique PatIsm (that he always got away with, being a foreigner and all), there was a website where his coworkers could go and post what they heard him say......

So, here it is: the tribute page to Pat and his Patisms!


The PatIsms Home Page

This page is dedicated to Pat "MickRick" [name removed to protect the guilty], an Irish-Englishman of notable birth, now U.S. citizen somewhere in the 'burbs of [place removed to protect the guilty].

Well, it seems that those of us in San Francisco (where he used to work), who have worked with Pat at Charles Schwab for several years now, have been accumulating sayings and quirks from Pat (whose friends abroad call MickRick). As it happens, we in the States find him somewhat abrupt but, according to his friends in the UK, he has become quite the "timid" version of who he once was.


PatIsm Date Submitted
"Hey, tree, bark, wrong" -- me responding to someone I do not like who calls me to ask for help April 30, 2002, 11:28 AM
If someone gives me a letter to post and I post it, I am not to blame if they put the wrong address on it." (October 8, 1998. Found this one lying around in an email) January 10, 2002, 4:41 PM
I must say that in his position I would not trumpet my ignorance quite so loudly. November 30, 2001, 3:57 PM
They bring incompetence to a whole new level! November 12, 2001, 12:20 PM
She couldn't run a river August 22, 2001, 5:20 PM
He is not someone you would want doing mission critical things--such as making coffee. August 22, 2001, 1:58 PM
[That person] couldn't lead lemmings off a bloody cliff! August 22, 2001, 1:56 PM
YOu're asking me to build a car with a file! July 23, 2001, 5:13 PM
They spend most of their time trying to come up with creative ideas when what they really should do is lay down until the feeling passes. June 8, 2001, 11:40 AM
He thinks a table is something with four legs and a top. February 5, 2001, 1:34 PM
I could lend you a unicorn with a lot less trouble. November 20, 2000, 2:06 PM
I am getting a spinal injury carrying all of his emails around (in reponse to an individual who emails him 6 times a day) October 11, 2000, 12:18 PM
I received this email threat:

I was contacted by [anonymous person, initials ED] today. She commented on the Patism web site. She didn't get this from you did she?

Pick one:     Yes (wrong answer)
  No (correct, continue to breath unaided)
Let me know


October 4, 2000, 6:45 PM
If they tell you it will be Friday, you can be damned sure it won't be Friday. (refering to the corporate IT's application delivery timelines) October 2, 2000, 4:34 PM
Don't feel sorry for [them] because then you are treating them like they are human beings. September 21, 2000, 10:11 AM
If I wanted to be a psychiatric nurse I would go work in a bloody asylum September 13, 2000, 11:56 AM
Unfortunately they are all true - attested Lynda Schulman (long long long suffering wife) -- It is Mickrick by the way! September 12, 2000, 9:13 AM
That guy could not fall down the stairs even if you gave him a diagram! September 11, 2000, 11:22 AM
It turns out she was using 1/26/0000 as the date. It wasn't a bug, that's what she entered. It's valid just a bit out of date so my validation accepted it. Oracle, however, did not. I suppose the Romans must have used DB2 January 28, 2000, 11:31 AM
It is not a Y2K bug, it is simply how the program handles the conversion of 2-digit years. (paraphrased from Pat on why his web program started giving faulty dates after the role-over to Y2K) December 29, 1999, 6:30 PM
That is like having a dose of hemorrhoids in the desert. (this in reference to the movie, The Spy Who Shagged Me) December 13, 1999, 4:27 PM
He role over faster than my spaniel. October 25, 1999, 11:42 PM
He can sharpen a pencil for you, but after that he's useless. October 19, 1999, 12:20 PM
That is the only way to take coffee. (referring to the latest fad in Southern California Colonic Institutes) October 19, 1999, 12:20 PM
That guy has absolutely no talent at all, and if he does he keeps it well hidden October 14, 1999, 6:01 PM
He conforms to the shape of the last arse that sat upon him. (speaking about a manager) October 12, 1999, 8:18 PM
We're here to protect democracy, not practice it. October 12, 1999, 8:18 PM
My idea of diplomacy is polishing my baseball bat before I hit you with it. October 12, 1999, 8:18 PM
Enter the date: "Noon" DL (reference to a user who was always getting an error when entering a date on the web form. Appears he thought date or time meant he could write the word out. Those are the culprits initials, for posterity) October 12, 1999, 8:18 PM
It's one of those things you have to sacrifice a chicken at just the right momment to make it work. (whose code was he refering to???) October 12, 1999, 8:18 PM
It's pretty good for an indoors job. (this refering to being a hitman) October 12, 1999, 8:18 PM
If that guy were a parachute packer, I wouldn't let him pack mine. (speaking of an interviewing candidate) October 12, 1999, 8:18 PM